I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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