I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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