Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
