glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
