Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
