is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
