sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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