peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No subtext here. People are naked.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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