Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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