I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
