So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
