Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
