So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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