why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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