I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
