We're facebook friends in real life
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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