Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize