I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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