you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
