Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
