No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just found puke in my bra..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
