sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
