Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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