Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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