haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
