i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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