he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
