other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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