So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
