no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
