She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
