he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
