yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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