My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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