Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
