i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
