If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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