Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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