i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize