Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
