saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
