my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
