we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize