they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
