dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
