Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
