its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Boobs speak an international language.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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