If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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