I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
