I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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