if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize