your thong is hanging out like whoa
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
