There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
