Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize