I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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