too bad you live with your parents still
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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