those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
