My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Rumble strips road head = magical
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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