I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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