i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
