I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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