Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
