Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
