College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize