It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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