Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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