My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
