Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
