it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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