ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
