Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
