so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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