Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
