You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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