I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
