cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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