porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
