Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
