I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I fill condoms, not promises.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
