I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
