i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
