Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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