if you like me you must not know who I am
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
